tonight i was walking down the street in search of a metro station so i could get home before twelve to feel lonely and full of self-doubt, when all of a sudden a remarkably unclean and deranged-looking man, presumably homeless, leapt in front of me from the side of the road and screamed SIRENITA! while grabbing my left boob. then he ran away. i checked when i got home, but i don’t think i look very much like the mermaid statue. must be the clavicles.
there was an impromptu concert beneath the knippelsbro bridge tonight, with a beautiful trombone i probably would have fallen in love with had i been able to see it. some team that wears blue shirts and plays bagpipes was celebrating a victory outside the dubliner and a gangly dude with a hair-nest pumped his pelvis at two of us and wiggled his fingers, come hither, while sticking out his tongue and nodding. it was probably the least successful mating ritual i have ever witnessed, holding that the above really just doesn’t count.
now i’m home and lonely, eating peach melba yogurt out of our same cups with our same spoon. i still have no clothes and no suitcase and no shoes and no friends. i’m still working on it. i hope your back-to-school is everything you’ve ever wanted in a trapper keeper and more.